I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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