dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
