Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
