He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
