question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
