No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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