just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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