My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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