We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
