my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
