I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
