honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
