Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
