Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My liver just broke up with me...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
