SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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