I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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