She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
