my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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