I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
