You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
