I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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