yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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