I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
