my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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