oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
