Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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