there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
