halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
