He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
