He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
