nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
