bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
