Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
