Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
