But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They took my balls.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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