Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
