i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
