so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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