please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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