I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All the doctor said was why
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