you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
