There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
