So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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