Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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