You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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