I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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