It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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