im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
