He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
