fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize