just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
