Im at strip club and am horny
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
