I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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