I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Everyone says I win the strip club
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
