Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize