im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dignity is for republicans.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
