You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
