I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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