i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
