He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
