there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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