90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
