WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
