I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
