I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
do herpes really smell.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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