Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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