It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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