yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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