Operation Purity has been aborted
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
