Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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