I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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