i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
