were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
please come you make the beer taste better
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
