Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
