she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
