did you get engaged???
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
