I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The adults are the big ones right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize