I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
