Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
