he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
