please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize