theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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