I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
