If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize