So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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