This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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