Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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