Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's shark week go big or go home
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
