He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
