Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
