gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
