This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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