you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
