i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
