So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
