ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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