Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
