mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize