3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
