you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
